The Therapy Guy

Change the words you use about yourself

August 24, 2020 The Therapy Guy
The Therapy Guy
Change the words you use about yourself
Show Notes Transcript

In this episode, I look at the words that we can use to describe our situations and how we can change them.

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You are listening to the therapy guy talking about all things mental health, informing and supporting you when you need it most. Contact us for more information, or with any comments, and please leave a review if you enjoy what you hear. Thanks for listening. Hello, welcome back to the therapy guy. My name's Alan. And today we're going to be talking about change, adapting, and how our thoughts and feelings can affect what we do and how we think and feel. I hope you're all keeping well, staying safe, and all of the circumstances and ever changing situation. And being as careful as you can be with yourself, and obviously for the people. So, just a quick catch up to where we are for those of you who've listened game before you realise that I'll give you advice and guidance. over things you can do for improving your mental health. I also can tell you some of my life experiences, some things that have gone on for myself. And today, we're going to be talking about some changes that have happened to myself, how I've managed with those. And hopefully then that will encourage you to maybe start doing some different things and thinking about things in a slightly different way. We're going to be talking about how I adapted my thinking, I have to continually work at it. It's a bit like going to the gym. If I went to the gym for six months, and then stopped some of the skills, some of the strength that I'd learnt in that six months, would gradually begin to stop. What I'd like to talk about today is obviously the fact that how COVID and everything else has affected myself and my businesses. Now I run two businesses, and they're all designed around mental health. One of them is Horizon counselling and that supports people through their mental health and any issues and experiences that they may be having in their present moment. Another had another business called mindset training. And that was based around educating people, running courses, trying to obviously allow companies, things like that, to facilitate training for their staff, and help people prevent mental health issues and experiences negative experiences from happening. Unfortunately, because it's relatively new business, the COVID come along, and really a sort of a spanner in my plans. Now I recognise that I haven't got much control. I've always advocated in my life that I have no control over the future. I can only control how I think and feel about things right now. And I encourage people to think about that and actually say, if I am as confident and as comfortable as I can be in this moment, then that will hopefully change how I react to different external experiences and circumstances that present themselves. While this is mindset, fortunately, I've had to make the difficult decision to close mind set down. Now it's obviously, you know, it's it's upsetting when you have all this effort and energy into building something into creating something into making it mine for it and turn around and not work. So over the past month, which is one of the reasons why I haven't really been on I've been obviously trying to sort out all the logistics, all the staff and my lovely colleagues and my fantastic people that were working me up she had to adapt to this new way that we're going to be working in the future. No one Things that I find is our thoughts can control how we think and feel about ourselves and the world that we are around us. Positive thoughts can lead us to feeling good. And negative thoughts can impact how we think and feel. And sometimes our thoughts can happen really quickly. And we fail to notice them. But they can still affect our mood. And if you notice other people around you, you might see them saying things, I always do this. This always happens to me. Bad luck comes in threes, this sort of comments. And you can also do it with things like if you see someone you don't like, automatically, you have this thought about that person and you think about all the reasons why you don't like them. Vice versa. If you see someone you do, like of course you have the positive feelings. Now, often at times, these automatic thoughts can be quite negative and irrational. identifying these thoughts and replacing them with new rational thoughts can help you deal with a situation, deal with how you're thinking and feeling in a way in a different way. I'm not asking you to go super positive, I'm not asking you to say oh, no, I really like this person when you honestly don't, what I'm talking about, it's just us changing to a more rational statement and allowing yourself to feel differently in the moment. So I use that example. If I see someone I don't like, and obviously, you know, there is these people around we can't get on with everybody. I might think, oh, here they are again, or they're gonna be like now, you know, all this sort of thing. Here we go. Yes, there'll be lots of thoughts going through my head depend on how that person is and how they affect me. My new rational thought, may me well today I'm not gonna let that person upset me. So what I've done is just allow myself to take control of how I think and feel. But also, I've removed any pressure and any feelings or negative feelings I have for that person. So I'm going to interact with that person slightly differently. And this can work with things like going to the gym or doing things we don't really want to do. We can encourage ourselves to say, right, I'm just going to do this for today and see how I feel. So we're making it slightly smaller. Now, with mindset looks at these sorts of a, our, you know, false negative thoughts about myself and how I've handled things, how can it what things I could have done better. And if I allow those automatic thoughts to continue, it could have spiralled into me criticising myself into me, placing myself into a lower mood. What I've actually tried to do is, is rationalise things that I've done, and then looked at what I can improve for next time. Now I know I've made mistakes. I know other people will be mistakes as external circumstances and situations that were beyond everybody's control. I've had to learn from it. I've had to look at how I think and feel each and every day and say, right, what am I going to do today to take control back from these negative thoughts? Now, some of the ways I do that, is I change the story. I change the words that I use to describe myself. So only give you a way of doing that. What I'd like you to do is just write down on a piece of paper, or think about what you feel you will maybe five biggest weaknesses, flaws or faults as you see them are. For example, I could break down have no confidence, then I'd like you to look at each one of those statements. And try to think of a time that you may have used some of that confidence or used some of the things that you feel are your flaws or weaknesses. So for myself, I might have thought, well, I feel having a confidence. Well, I've started my own business. I spoke up for myself. I try new things and talk to new people all the time. Maybe then, we can rewrite some of their statements. And I can change the words I use, not to super positive and super upbeat. But for different things, for different statements like I'm more confident than I think I can do things that scare me, or I have all the confidence I need. It can be quite an easy exercise to do. It's about breaking things down, allowing yourself to see different times you've have had what you need to get through these circumstances. We've had negative experiences, you're here, you had the strength to get through them. And you can use that strength that you use before. If you use change the words that are going around in your mind and change the words that used to describe yourself, give yourself at least a 50% chance. If you say, What if this is going to go wrong? Why don't you say, Well, what if it goes right? What if I fail? What if I succeed? What if I pass? What if someone says no? What if someone says yes, those are just basic examples. And then another thing that I tried to do, and it's quite a big thing, lots of people do this. For a gratitude journal. Now, for me writing down things every day is a bit of a struggle. I don't tend to engage with that. But I do try to acknowledge some of the things I do each day. And it's just a way that I've adapted the gratitude journal. So philosophy really, where you write down things every day, I think like what I've done. So for example, I could write down what have I accomplished today? How was today different? What have I achieved, a positive experience I've had positive thing I saw. I felt good when and maybe something I did for someone else. They're just basic examples over how I might think and how I might use that to change my day, change the way that I think I would also encourage you to grow Things don't. So what we can do, and we do this, we catastrophize we say things, big statements like, that ruined my day, I had a really bad week, we start to join all of these bad experiences, all of these negative thoughts together, and it becomes bigger, and it becomes this big cloud that hangs over us. What I try to do, and I say try, because obviously different days, it works better than others. It depends on the circumstances, depends what's happening to me. I'm no different from yourself. I have to adapt every day to what's going on, and how I think and feel about that. I use this example with a lot of my clients. And I sort of say, if you go to a theme park, and you have a lot of fun, you're there for eight hours and it's great and you're really enjoying yourself and have a fantastic time with whoever it is. You're with. On the way home, you may break down. So there you are, you're stuck on the motorway stuck on this road. You might have to wait for a while for that breakdown truck, etc. What's going to happen to the following day, you're going to focus on that breakdown you're going to be telling people it ruined my day. It's going to cost me a fortune to get the car fixed. I had to wait ages for the tow truck to turn up. Personally wave was moaning and windy because they were hungry or tired or thirsty. What we've done is we've dismissed all the fun that we had at the theme park. We haven't allowed people to know about that. We haven't give him any details. What I try to do for myself, it break my day down into Okay, this morning was great. This afternoon. I struggled a bit we had a lot going on. But overall the day has been okay. So not dwelling on not adding things In, I'm taking the day as we come. I know that over a certain few days, I might continue to make stress and anxiety in my life. And obviously, if you think about me closing a business, the past month has been a struggle. What I've done is each day, I've just started a new day, I haven't really tracked the previous day on, I haven't allowed it to come in, and cloud my judgement, or at least that's what I hope it can be difficult to make these changes can be difficult sometimes for us to change how we think and feel. We are sort of almost educated for our lives, to feel the worst. Our brain naturally scans our environment for the worst thing that's going to happen. It does act to protect us to keep us safe. So we don't do things that can endanger our lives. So what I want to do is try to change That over a period of time, and it is like you say going, going back to the gym, you can't expect to go to the gym once and become out this fitness fanatic or a big bodybuilder loads of muscles or in house. You have to work at it. You have to keep going after exercise and do those things regularly. your brains no different how you think and feel is no different. You will have days where you'll struggle more, same as you do maybe in the gym where you don't want to go but you need to force your way through it. The more you do it, the easier becomes no different again, skillful sport or skill for our turning house. It can take practice. It doesn't happen overnight. Use your brain like a muscle. Just exercise and find things that work for you find things that challenge how you think and then Keep going. try and do some spend some time every day, thinking about your day and trying to rationalise things. Try not to go super positive can be really difficult to feel positive if you've had a bad day, but try to go rational and be okay. Just give yourself a 5050 chance of everything working. And, as always, if you want some help and advice or more guidance or more details about some of the things and some of the exercises that I've been talking about suggesting to you today, please contact me drop us an email. I'll be more than happy to send you some exercises, through the through the post, or through email whenever Yes, whatever way works for yourself, so that you can actually start to practice on these things each day for yourself and how other people as well. I like to use other people Like to sort of say practice on them really, if someone says me or what if this goes wrong? I have in my brain I think, Okay, what if it goes right? I don't necessarily say that. But what I'm doing is just allowing myself to get into that thought process, that thought pattern. You can do this too. But it takes a bit time takes a bit of practice, you will make mistakes the same as I do every day now, yes, I have to learn and adjust and adapt to the things that are going on in my life. But fortunately for me, because of the practice I've had, I have this baseline, this foundation where I start from, and in a couple of the other podcasts are going to be following this one. We're going to be talking about some techniques to help with anxiety techniques to help with sort of controlling your stress and low mood. We're also gonna be talking about how you can listen to a meditation which will help You as a mindfulness and all of that, which should be about 10 minutes long, that's all. And then we're going to be talking about possibly rate some tinnitus, or tinnitus affects us. So tinnitus can cause some stress and anxiety. Today, what I want you to remember is just take one day at a time, try to focus on some of the things you're getting right. Just as much as you focus on the thing you're getting wrong to. They're there, if you look for them. Your brain instantly looks for the things you get wrong. All we do is encourage you to use your brain to exercise that muscle and look for the things that you do get right. For the people that are there to support you and encourage you any questions or you need any advice? Or you don't come and speak to me personally. Please just let me know. I'll give anyone some advice and guidance. Yeah, we're here. To help everybody, we want everybody to look after each other. And that way, we all have the best sort of way of getting through this and living a healthy and happy life for ourselves. For today, I'm going to sign off. I want you to take care, I want you to stay safe. Enjoy yourselves, and above all smile. But for now, thanks for listening. This has been the therapy guy. Thanks for listening to the therapy guy. Please don't forget to tell other people about our great podcasts. Horizon counselling for all your mental health and well being needs. Contact us today for the support you need. Find us at horizon play birth.co.uk Transcribed by https://otter.ai