What Is Imposter Syndrome?

Do you know what imposter syndrome is? In this episode we will look at what imposter syndrome is as well as how it can affect our every day life and what we can do to overcome it.

My colleagues and I see people everyday who are experiencing these issues and are learning on how to deal with the impact on their lives and what they feel they can achieve.

Want to find out more, then listen in.

We also have an article on imposter syndrome:
https://www.horizonplymouth.co.uk/imposter-syndrome/

Transcript

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Hello, and welcome back to the therapy Guy.

Today I'd like to talk to you about imposter syndrome.

It is something where we can all

experience at different times in our lives.

And for those of you who don't know what

it is or haven't heard about it before, an

explanation of Imposter Syndrome is the anxiety or self

doubt that results from persistently undervaluing our competence and

rolling, achieving success while falsely attributing our accomplishments, to

luck or external forces.

Or it can feel like that nagging doubt

that you feel when you don't deserve something,

like a promotion, a relationship, some praise or

reward we might receive in some way.

If you feel that you're somehow getting away with

something, and it's only a matter of time before

you get found out, or you have that nagging

sense that whatever you do is not quite good

enough, these can be indicators of Imposter Syndrome.

It can demind our confidence and self belief.

And no matter how you appear on the outside, it

is an internal critical voice suggesting that you're fraud.

You're going to get found out.

So if you're nodding yes or identifying some of

these things that I have described, then you may

have or be experiencing some parts of Imposter Syndrome.

Now, Impostor Syndrome isn't

a diagnosable psychiatric disorder.

It's a combination of different symptoms, thoughts and

feelings that add up to an overall feeling.

Now, we can experience Imposter Syndrome at any point,

but generally we experiencing it more in our workplace

as well as our interactions with others.

So I'm going to list a few symptoms

that you may identify with, and later we

can discuss some suggestions for dealing with the

overall feeling of not being good enough.

So, number one, perfectionism.

The anxiety that everything you have to

do has to be and look perfect.

This can lead to us not trying out new

things for fear that you won't be good enough.

It can get you to produce some great work or

give 100% of yourself to something, but it also can

stop you from producing or doing anything for the fear

of it not being good enough at all.

Two would be overworking struggling to switch

off or working from home during the

evenings, weekends or days off.

Over preparing more than you need to for a

meeting, thinking about every detail, taking on extra work

or things you don't really want to do or

don't really have the time to do.

Struggling with Criticism it can be incredibly

difficult for someone with Imposter Syndrome to

hear and accept criticism objectively.

You can take these comments, all the criticism personally,

beating yourself up for not being good enough.

So dismissing the real reasons for

any criticism in the first place.

If you find yourself comparing yourself to

others, you always feel that other people

have a better life than you.

They seem happier, more confident, more successful,

more fulfilled and better in all ways.

You can feel that no matter what

you do, you still wouldn't be enough.

Yet somehow you still feel

compelled to try even harder.

Praise and compliments can make you feel uncomfortable

while you crave praise, recognition and thanks.

You're never really sure what to do

with it when you do get it.

I mean, they can't mean it.

They don't really know how bad you are.

They don't know how you struggle.

So you can dismiss compliments and the praise and

the recognition that you really would like sometimes.

And in the process, you can offend the person

that we're offering it in the first place.

You can feel like a fraud.

You're just waiting for that tap on the shoulder

to indicate you've been found out and to expose

you and to shame you in public.

Imposter Syndrome may hold you back from applying

for a promotion or for drawing for fear

of drawing too much attention to yourself.

That's why you work so hard at not

revealing any chinks in your armour as you

fear being shot down, publicly communicated.

You can also leave employment before you get found out.

So you may find yourself drifting from one job to

another, or even sometimes one relationship to another, because you

feel you're not good enough for that person.

So where does all this begin?

From my experiences as a therapist, working with

clients who experience Imposter Syndrome and my own

personal experiences of it, I would suggest it

starts in the praise or attention we received

or didn't receive in our formative year.

When you start doing things yourself and perhaps

towed off or punished for not doing it

cold to your parents, teachers, caregivers standards, or

not receiving the recognition at all.

Think about it.

We notice the times when others make mistakes.

How many times do we actually acknowledge

or comment when somebody gets it right?

If you don't receive adequate praise and encouragement from

others, including your parents, teachers and caregivers and employers,

you can end up internalising that negative view of

yourself and believe you have to work harder to

gain this recognition from those around you.

You have learned to believe

that you're not good enough.

And then we begin to listen to

that internal critical voice, as always.

So how do we overcome imposter syndrome?

Believing in yourself isn't someone

that's going to happen overnight.

I wish it was.

The process was meant to have been given to us

a long time ago by those caregivers, whoever they were.

Start acknowledging that this is how

you think and feel at times.

Once we acknowledge something, we can then begin

to take control of it and start changing

the small things and building them from there.

We don't have to change everything about who we are.

We just have to adapt some of

our thinking to suit our needs.

Think about it.

How many things have you done that

have been truly perfect in your life?

And you've been completely happy with

understanding that perfection is an opinion.

Someone's view of what is perfect

may be different from others.

So who do we listen to?

Perfection in our everyday lives

is generally not required.

Even champion athletes don't get it

right all of the time.

No one does.

Try accepting that it's okay to be

the best we can at that moment.

We're never really going to satisfy everyone.

So we are using our own scale of what

is perfect and what is and what isn't.

So if that's the case, we can change it, can't we?

Constantly overworking can leave you feeling exhausted and with

that constant feeling that we have never done enough

and there is so much more to do.

Recognising that.

Our mind and body need time to relax and

have time off to be working at its best.

Think of a car engine.

If you're constantly revving it, go

bursting around at high speed

it will wear out before it needs to.

It won't react or respond in the way that it needs to.

We are similar.

The more pressure we put on ourselves, the more we are

likely to wear out and make those little mistakes.

Rest is important no matter who you are or what you do.

It doesn't have to be pushing your

feet up for hours on end.

It can be making yourself a hot drink, taking five

minutes just to drink it while it is still hot.

Enjoying watching something on the TV,

listening to a favourite song.

Next one is slightly more difficult.

Learn to take and accept constructive criticism.

Recognising that we have a choice

over how we interpret the criticism.

We can decide to take it personally

or understand that it's just someone's opinion.

It's not to say that their opinion

isn't right, it's just different from ours.

Understand that unless someone is being utterly

personal and rude, then it's about their

opinion and maybe a misunderstanding.

And let's be honest, if they are being rude

and personal, we don't need to accept it.

Maybe think about the responses you could either

give or what you'd like to receive if

you were giving constructive criticism into somebody else.

Think like okay, thanks, I will think

about that and get back to you.

Thanks for your suggestions.

Remember, just because their opinion is different to

ours, it's okay and it's not personal.

Think about people who support opposing teams.

Each person would suggest that their team is the best

and their opinion is better than the other person's.

So they're never going to agree.

Try and say thank you to praise and compliments.

It can be difficult to accept praise in

compliments when we have that voice in our

head suggesting we aren't good enough.

But again, accept that the

other person's opinion is theirs.

It doesn't necessarily have to be the same as yours.

Try saying thank you at the very least.

Again, think about how you would feel

when you compliment someone and they don't

take it or listen or dismiss it. Even.

Maybe consider that even a thank you is a compliment.

It's also manner, as I understand.

But the person is saying thank you to

you because you've done something nice to them.

They are thanking you for being a nice person,

whether that may be opening a door for someone

or giving them a present, they are.

Thank you for being kind and thoughtful.

Trying to think in this balanced way can be difficult

to achieve and will take some hard work from yourself.

But you have all the strength and

determination you need to keep practising.

Think of how long you've been practising trying

to be perfect all this time, all this

effort you've made, you've got this.

It will get easier over time.

Each time you have that negative thought about

yourself, just attempt to put some rational thought

with it at the early stages.

So I'm not saying overwhelming with positivity, I'm just saying

trying to put a rational statement on the end.

So if you think this piece of work

is no good, nobody's going to like it.

Try then to add on the end, okay,

it's the best that I can do now.

I've worked really hard at it.

Another example, maybe if we think, why

are they giving this work to me?

I'll never be able to do it.

Think, well, I'm going to get

the advice I need, the guidance.

I've done lots of things before that I haven't done

and all I can do is try my best.

I may not get that promotion.

What about learning from the plying, learning from the process

so that you can get it in the future?

Remembering small things, don't overthink it.

And if it helps, try and think in the third person.

So this is my problem.

What would this person say?

What would the therapy guy tell me to think?

Use someone impartial or someone you respect.

I know this is a lot of information and there's

lots more to this subject and there are lots out

there online, as usual, but I hope it helps.

And if you require any advice or further

information and guidance, don't hesitate to contact me.

Don't hesitate to send me a message or get in touch.

It will be great to hear from you.

In the meantime, take care.

And for now, this is me, the Therapy Guy,

signing off and wishing you all the best.

Thanks for listening to the therapy guy.

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