How Therapy Helps Relationships?

In this episode we look at how therapy helps relationships. We not only look at the relationship between the individuals involved, but also at the individuals themselves. At Horizon Counselling, we give space for each person to be heard on their own and for them to gave the opportunity to speak freely.

This episode was co-written with my colleague Mark Jeffery, a trained relationship therapist.

Learn more :
https://www.horizonplymouth.co.uk

Transcript

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Thanks for listening. Hi.

Welcome back to the therapy guy.

My name is Alan and today I'll be talking to

you about the reasons that people seek relationship counselling.

Now this is written in conjunction

with one of my colleagues, a

therapist, a relationship therapist called Mark.

He's spoken before in different episodes and

we recently spoke about him and the

Confidence podcast that you can listen to.

There are lots of reasons why people come into relationship

counselling and today I just want to sort of

talk to you about a couple of them and allow

you to understand that there's a whole different range and

you don't have to be nervous.

It can be a big thing

to actually come into relationship therapy.

Relationship Counselling and a lot of people struggle.

One of the main reasons people seek therapy is

to help with their intimate and close relationships.

Of course.

And while relationship counselling tends to be

viewed as something for only relationship in

crisis, this isn't always the case.

There are many different reasons people in

relationships choose to come into therapy.

Some are small, some are much bigger, but all are

important and deserve to be explored and worked on.

This is an important thing to think about.

You don't have to be in crisis to come into therapy.

Lots of people leave it to the very

last minute before they come to us.

We're almost like the last chance

saloon for a lot of people.

If your relationship is going well, you can still

improve it, you can still help you communicate better.

But that said, here are some of the

reasons why people might look into relationship counselling.

So the first one is communication issues.

Communication is the foundation of all relationships.

It doesn't matter who you're with, whether it's

a friend, a work colleague or employer.

Communication comes in many forms, both in person,

over the phone, text or social media.

Therapy can help teach you how to communicate with each

other in a positive manner that works for you both.

The type of communication a person grows

up around tends to strongly affect how

they communicate in their adult relationship.

Counselling can help couples make a conscious choice

of the communication styles that they use and

not just fall back on what they know,

what they've learnt from history.

It can be also a great way to enable

people to reconnect when they've started to drift apart.

Premarital Counselling that may seem strange that people

come for premarital counselling, but there's lots of

issues people face before they get married that

sometimes they can struggle to talk about.

It's a place where people can

talk and discuss many things.

For example, finances with bank accounts be shared.

Who will make decisions about what to buy and when?

What about the household duties?

Are children going to be a part of your future?

What roles or roles or the in laws play in your life?

Relationship therapy can be a safe place to start

those conversations, to start having those communication, anything that

may need to be addressed at that time before

you make that commitment to each other.

And using that safe area is a good place to enable

things to be discussed in a controlled and managed way.

Sex and intimacy are issues that

happen regularly between relationship therapy.

Sex can be something that heals and brings

a couple together or it can be a

battleground fraught with anxiety, embarrassment, anger and hurt.

And again, communication plays a huge part in that.

Counsellors encounter sexual issues frequently within their practise

and they can help encourage you to make

those first moves to putting things right.

And it's the biggest and most important step for

a lot of people to overcome that embarrassment and

have those open and honest conversations as they move

forward to deepen and create a more loving and

sexual and be more intimate relationship.

Infidelity and unfaithfulness infidelity within a relationship can

be one of the most hurtful and damaging

things a couple can ever go through.

But it does not mean that

the relationship has to be over.

Relationship therapy can provide a healing space

to begin that journey towards building.

A resolution can help find some practical and

meaningful ways to navigate that treacherous water of

unfaithfulness and become a starting place to rebuild

that trust that has been lost and calm

the anger that has come from it.

It's always a really difficult process to go through.

An external help in a safe and managed

environment is going to help managing other relationships.

Couples have other relationships.

They have relationships with people outside.

So, friends, family, extended family, children, co

workers, bosses, teachers all these relationships can

either be healthy or unhealthy.

Some things that can be discussed are

the boundaries around this and members of

the opposite or same sex friendships.

Communication with exes and their

collective personal time is important.

Understanding how we can communicate with the stepchildren and

access all these things need to be talked about

and discussed in an open and honest way.

We have nontraditional relationships, nontraditional

intimate relationships, open relationships, swinging.

They can all have problems and struggles.

It doesn't matter what relationship you're in,

how you categorise yourself in your relationship,

you go through struggles which may be

specific to your lifestyle and identity.

Something that all couples struggle to deal with.

It can be intimidating to seek relationship therapy

for fear of not being valued or understood.

Because of the type of relationship that a couple are

in, there is a fear of being judged, which is

just not the case in the therapy room.

Many relationship counsellors are comfortable with

these conversations and have a huge

background of understanding to work with.

People living and experiencing nontraditional relationships and can

provide once again that open and safe space

for you to work on whatever your relationships

are experiencing at that time.

Blended Families this is when one or

both partners have children from another relationship.

Blended or step families have their

own specific struggles and difficulties.

Parental Differences the roles of each parent, the roles

of the step parent, how they are going to

administer rules and regulations and boundaries, and a new

identity of the family unit are all issues that

can be discussed and explored within the therapy room.

Ending the Relationship this may seem strange for

a lot of people, but coming to counselling

when a relationship has ended or coming to

an end, whether it's by mutual agreement or

otherwise, managing those emotions can be difficult.

Often individuals need to express anger, sadness, grief

and there may be practical issues to sort

out as well, such as housing or children.

Things that need to be discussed.

Agreeing how and when to communicate another example

for a matter that can be discussed within

that relationship therapy and can help to you

to find that middle ground.

More often than not, it enable you to

move forward with a different, more constructive relationship.

We're not asking you to stay in love

or to have this great positive relationship.

We're just asking you to have a

constructive and relationship where you can communicate

whether you've ended or you haven't.

So we have digital age issues facebook, Twitter, texting,

texting, Instagram, YouTube we can go on and on.

These are just few ways that technology

can infiltrate and affect the relationship.

Communicating via social media has its pros and cons.

Couples often have a conflict regarding who to find, what

to like, who to text, blocks or chat with.

Communication that is not done face to face or even on

the phone is hard no matter how many emojis are used.

Words can be misconstrued, misread and misinterpreted.

The tone of voice and the body language is important

for understanding what is being conveyed and this doesn't happen

in the form of a text or an email.

Relationship counselling can help couples work through the

problems technology may have caused and create boundaries

with each other to help restore the trust.

When social media may have had

an impact on their relationship.

And then there's trust issues.

After a trust has been broken, relationships

can be harmed or even destroyed.

Part of having a solid and healthy relationship has to be

being able to be built on the trust of one another.

Learning to trust again is a slow and

hard process and it can be painful and

frustrating and this doesn't happen quickly.

Relationship Therapy therapy can help educate

and assist couples with understanding the

process of regaining that trust.

Whatever the reason it has

been lost, it doesn't matter.

It can help you to provide the tools and a

direction to help get a relationship back on track again.

Unfortunately, when there are situations when

a relationship has deteriorated that much

so that it cannot be saved.

But again, accounting can provide a safe space to gain

a solution that is suitable for the both of you.

All relationships can be difficult

in some form or another.

There will be disagreements, conflict, hurt

even at the best of times.

Relationship counselling can help individuals and grow

and learn about each other and help

heal any difficulties they have.

Like all types of therapy, the lessons learned

and behaviours changed will continue to serve each

person for much longer than the therapy itself.

We don't want you to stay in therapy forever.

It takes work to have

a solid and positive relationship.

Relationship therapy is worth considering for any

couple and can promote a mutually beneficial

change for years to come.

And remember what I said earlier you don't have

to wait until the relationship is in crisis to

come along and talk and improve your communication, improve

how you talk to each other in all formats.

So we hope you enjoyed this in

a very brief sort of episode.

Today we wanted to give you a highlight for some

of the reasons why people come into relationship therapy and

things that you might consider for the future.

You could help recommend it to a different person,

someone who hasn't listened to this podcast, for example.

We hope you found it useful.

We'd love any of your questions,

any comments that you have.

Again, as always, if you need any advice or

guidance, please don't hesitate to get in contact and

we'll help you in whatever way we can.

Thanks for listening for myself and Mark,

who helped with this today's episode.

But for today we're signing off. Thanks a lot.

Thanks for listening.

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